Daddy, I need to talk.
Your daughter is crying out to You tonight in desperation. My heart hurts. Tears are flowing from my eyes like an endless river flowing. I know You know all that is stirring within me, but Daddy I just need to talk to You about it.
I don’t understand why all of this has happened. I don’t know why life had to take a turn in this direction. Daddy, the man You sent to me twenty-two years ago is hurting, he’s struggling, and it feels like he’s fading away. I know he’s here with me physically but he hardly seems like the same person. It’s been so hard watching him the last year hurt more and more by the moment.
I miss his laugh, I miss his smiles, I miss so much about him Daddy. But more than what I miss about him, I miss him feeling like he has life within him. Daddy, it hurts to watch him hurt. I don’t know what to do for him. I don’t know how to help him. I feel like I never have the right words to say. I just want to take it all away. I just want to make things better for him. I want him to jump up like he used to and be that man full of life that You created. I want him to feel about himself the way You intend for him to.
I know You said we would become one flesh when we vowed before You to love one another, and I believe it now more than ever. I may not feel his pain the same way he does, but oh Daddy, I feel pain with him. I look into his eyes and see the desperation of just wanting the pain to leave his body and it sends my heart into a place that nothing seems to draw it back from. I know he’s scared and I’m scared with him. I know some days he feels like nothing is going to get better, and honestly some days I feel it with him. I see how tired he is, I see how hard he’s trying to fight.
But I have to say thank You Daddy. Thank You for helping me to still see that warrior that You created in him. I see him even when he doesn’t. I see all that You are filling him with no matter how much this pain seems to drain him. Every time You allow me to look at him and see who He is in You it does so much for my heart. I guess this is still a part of that whole one flesh, huh? I am grateful that You gave me the honor of being one flesh with this man. I love him, Daddy. I love him so much. I know You know that, You are the one that gave me this love for him. I refuse to let life take that from me! He’s a good man for me. He’s always taken such good care of me, and You knew he would, that’s why You chose him for me.
But Daddy, I feel like it’s my turn to take really good care of him. Can You help me with that? I feel lost. I’m not sure how to help him, how best to take care of him. In my flesh I just want to take it from him and throw it as far as I can. I know that I don’t have that power, but Daddy, You do! I’m believing for that. I haven’t lost hope in You, I can’t do that. You have saved us from so many things in our lives. You have brought us through some of the darkest of times and I know this time will be no different.
You gave me two hands Daddy, and in my right hand is Yours, and in my left hand is his. Help me to keep walking hand in hand with You so that I can be what he needs me to be as his wife. Give me eyes to see past the things I don’t need to see so that I can focus on what You need me to see. Fill me with more of You. Everything in me knows we can’t walk through this without You, and I don’t want to try!
Keep reminding me of Your truths so for every lie the enemy tosses our way I can send it right back. Hold us close because I know that it’s so easy at times like this to get carried away and I only want to draw closer to You. Strengthen the fight in us, help us to get back up stronger every time we get knocked down.
Thank You for listening to my heart tonight Daddy, and every night when the hurt starts trying to settle. Thank You for listening when I’m alone in my office trying my best to stay focused and when the tears keep sneaking out to roll. Thank You for listening when I’m driving down the road and can barely see the road through my tears. Thank You for hearing our every cry and holding every tear in Your mighty hands. And Daddy, thank You for the healing that I know is coming His way! I feel it in my bones, I feel it in the depths of my soul. It’s coming and I am giving You praise for it! I don’t want my lips to ever stop giving You praise because You are so worthy, no matter what!
I love You Daddy! I’m so grateful I have You tonight and every moment. I trust You and that’s not going to change.
With rolling tears,
Your Daughter, Angie