From the moment I woke up, those are the first words I have to start with. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m sitting here at the moment. The fiery darts have been flying today for sure and so many of them have landed straight in my heart. They must have pierced something on target for all the tears that have fallen upon Your hands today. Thank You for being there to wipe away and catch every one.
The more the day progressed the more I heard You whisper the words “lean in.” It never ceases to amaze me how You are always listening to my heart without me having to speak one word. You knew exactly what I needed to hear and Your whispers reach further than any word spoken out loud to me.
I’m here, I’m leaning in. Right now more than anything I just need to breathe in more of You. When I feel like I can’t take another breath because it just hurts too bad, You are there, breathing the air in for me. When I feel like I’m drowning, it’s Your hand that’s reaching for me and pulling me up.
Without You, where would I be? In the midst of the pain, the hurt, and the uncertainty, it’s You that I see. When I look around, it’s You without fail. It doesn’t matter how dark it gets around me or within me, You are there, lighting the way. I’ve asked myself time and time again where would I be in all of this if it wasn’t for You? I can’t even take my mind there. I couldn’t see life without You. Days like today where it hurts too much to even take a breath, I know I couldn’t do it without You.
Life, it’s funny how it doesn’t feel that way now, but it’s because of You that I know it is. I know that even though it’s been one thing after another every single one of them went through Your hands first. I’m not alone in it, and for that I’m grateful. You have always made sure I knew You were lying next to me, lifting me up when I couldn’t rise on my own, and giving me the strength to stand when I feel like I’m going to fall. When I feel like I can’t take one more step, it’s You that moves my feet or carries me.
I’m leaning in and against You. There’s a peace that enters my heart and consumes it when I’m in Your presence that I can’t get any other possible way. I know it may seem crazy, but it’s like I can feel You gently moving my hair out of my face and holding me so close to You. I don’t have to explain it, I just want to bask in it.
The love You give me is more than I could ever ask for. The peace You give me is more than I could ever comprehend. The help is more than I could get anywhere else. Sometimes I wonder why You are so faithful to me, even when I don’t deserve it. But it’s just who You are, isn’t it. I look back on my life and every time I needed You, You were there. Faithfulness with You is something I never have to question, I never have to doubt.
There are so many things the world, the enemy, and my flesh screams at me, but Your voice always rises to where I need it most. When I feel like I can’t do what You’ve called me to, You’re there to tell me I can. When I feel like I’m not good enough, You’re there to tell me I am in You. When I question things, You are always the only answer I truly need. Everything in my life comes down to You, and I don’t want it any other way.
For all the things inside my heart that only You and I know about, thank You for reminding me that You are the only one that needs to know. You are the only one that needs to understand it’s not just one thing but several things and I know You are in control of every single one. Nothing slips by You and my soul rejoices. There’s no battle unknown to You or lost with You. Those truths today alone were enough to keep me going when my flesh screams to crawl back into bed and just sleep.
Thank You for using what comes my way in life to draw me closer to You. What it all truly comes down to is I want to be closer to You. You are good, faithful, true, and pure love. I’m crying out to You not only for deliverance and healing, but strength and endurance for what You choose not to take away right away. I’m crying out for eyes to see the value of all that You are teaching me. It’s in You and Your name that I will find all that I need and want. My heart truly desires more of You. You are more than enough.
I realize more everyday how much I am in love with You, how much I need You, and how much I fall short. You have redeemed everything in my life up to this point and none of this will be any different. I look forward to the day I can stand and look back to see how You chose to redeem it, but until that day comes, I look forward to knowing You more and going a little deeper with You. My faith in a relentless and faithful Father tells me I’ll see it soon.
Until then, I’m leaning in to You. I love You!