All words seem to have left me in that moment. We felt sure we knew what we would hear that day and as we sat and waited, we laughed. We laughed at silly jokes, comments, and anything and everything that came our way enjoying the moments just before it all changed.
I have to admit I was surprised at what we were hearing. I knew in the beginning there was a risk, but we had all agreed we felt everything would be fine, and we trusted You. We knew You would take care of her, there was never a doubt in our minds or hearts to that fact. We’ve watched as You have many times before.
I’ll never forget her tears as we drove home that day, and I know that You were holding them in Your hands even as they fell. It was hard to see the road through the water that filled my eyes as she spilled her heart. My heart broke for her as she shared with me the deepest feelings in the pit of her soul. She’s my daughter and when she hurts, I hurt. I know You understand that more than anyone! As much as it hurts me, I know You felt it deeper than even I did. But You are Daddy, You know best.
As we sat on my bed the next night talking about possibilities, I know You caught her tears, and mine too. I wondered what Your plan was and what the outcome would be once we received final word, but I knew that no matter what, You were taking care of her, just as You promised You would. Listening to her talk, it made me such a proud Mom! She loves You so much and wants to follow Your heart with all of hers. Her awareness of You and what You have done for her is forever imprinted like a hand print in fresh cement. She hasn’t forgotten that You are Daddy and You love her.
Oh the hurt that filled my heart when I received the phone call the next day. How was I going to tell her Your answer? How could I break her heart for the third day in a row? Sitting there as the words came across my lips, I watched as her eyes turned to a glossy river flowing. As her mascara left a dark trail running down her face, I felt a dark trail making its way through my heart, and You wiped both of our tears. At times like these I wish it was as easy to make her hurt go away as it was when she was just a little girl and all I had to do was kiss the boo boo away. But I knew You are Daddy and You will heal our hearts.
I am reminded of that day in the Emergency Room bathroom floor where I fell to my knees just four years ago and I cried out to You asking You to save her, take care of her, and heal her. What I remember most about that moment was hearing You promise me You would. I spoke aloud what I knew to be true then and what I know to be true even now, she was Yours before she was ever mine. Oh love, I asked You for Your provision and protection as we stepped out, and that if there was any risk too great for You to give us that knowledge prior to follow through, and You faithfully answered. How could we possibly be anything but grateful and thankful for how You love her? You are Daddy, and You will go to great lengths to protect her.
I can’t help but think about how the answer came on the third day. On the third day You were resurrected to life again. Hope overflows in my heart knowing that what dreams and desires she feels is dead will be resurrected to life again through You! I know she feels that same hope, I seen it when she started smiling again. In the midst of the hurt, discouragement, and broken hearts, we have seen You at work all around us. You have already shown us glimpses of how You are receiving glory through all of this, and it has been like a kiss on the boo boo!
You’ve kept Your promise, and we knew we could trust You, no matter what. Your answer may not have been what we thought it would be, and as much as it hurt to hear, we trust You completely. You showed us long ago that our faith was never misplaced when we placed it in You. Many life lessons have taught us that even when the outcome isn’t what we want it to be, You are Sovereign, and it’s what You want it to be with reason and purpose. We know who You are, and we know You do all that You do because You love us. So there’s nothing left for my heart to say even now but…
Thank You for Your everlasting love and for protecting us from what we can’t see up ahead! Thank You for wiping our tears and healing our hearts. Thank You for the promise of plans and purpose! Thank You for the smile You are putting back on her face and in her heart.
With a grateful and healing heart, I Love You, Lord!