Thoughts float in circles within our minds and hearts, sometimes that can be a good thing, if it’s the right kind of thoughts. But today I seem to be dealing with the thoughts that wreak havoc on my heart and my mind to the point that they weigh heavily upon me. Struggling with these thoughts make me ask myself the question, “Whose voice am I listening to?” The honest answer wouldn’t be the right answer. The honest answer is I’m not listening to the voice of truth, the voice of my Father, the voice of the One who loves me unconditionally.
The thoughts that I seem to be listening to are the thoughts that originate from the words of others, not the word of God. These words are not words that build up or encourage, but rather tear down and destroy. These thoughts come from the actions of others, actions that broke my heart into a million pieces and not for the first time. This has been an area I have struggled in for nearly two decades now. I know they are not healthy, I know they are not truth, and I know they are not where God wants me to park my mind.
What I am reminding myself of yet again is that what others think of me and choose to believe about me says more about them than it does me. The only one who truly knows my heart inside and out is the one who created it. He knows my intentions, my thoughts, my beliefs, and He has seen every time I have tried to reach out in love to those who choose to believe the worse possible things about me, and not only believe themselves but also tell others. God’s word tells me that God will take what is meant for my harm and use it for good (Genesis 50:20), and it also tells me that no weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).
As I ask God to help me with these feelings, thoughts, and this hurt that rages within my heart like an angry storm, I find myself releasing the pain into His more than capable, healing hands. The more I release it to Him, the louder I can hear His voice speaking the words that lift me up, encourage me, and tell me how much He loves me. He has created me, He has molded me, shaped me, designed me, and He is leading me in the direction that He desires for me to go in my life. I can’t let anything get in the way of that. My desire to follow Him is stronger than ever and I have to recognize that makes the enemy squirm. He is out to distract me, destroy me, and divide me from God and His plan for my life, and I know this to be true from simply looking outside my life and within myself.
Choosing this evening to lay down these thoughts at the foot of the cross as I continue to worship My Savior. No distractions, no divisions, no conquering for the enemy, and total surrender for me, the daughter of the Most High King!