Measure of Success

What is your goal? Your focus? Your greatest ambition? These are all questions that come up around New Years. Everyone starts evaluating where they are at in their lives in all areas and aspects. We all sit down and start contemplating what we want to change this year about ourselves. How can we improve our lives? How can we make sure we are happier this year than we were last year? I too, sat down & started asking myself some of the same questions….

My greatest ambition is to be even closer to God, and an even better Christian than I was last year, even the day before today. I don’t strive to be a career woman or for any title that this world may have to offer me, I don’t strive to make more money this year, or to weigh a certain number on the scale, I don’t care to be more popular with any particular crowd, or to achieve any particular status.

When I leave this world, I want to be more known for my heart, my morals, my values, my love for God, and for always striving to be more like Christ. I don’t need or desire any other title, label, or status. I feel sure that when I stand before my Father, He’s not going to want to see my checkbook, my car, my house or my business card. He sees right now at this very moment what He wants to see & know because He sees inside of my heart. There is no corner, no nook or cranny, no crevice that He does not see even now. He knows whether or not I’m for real or whether my heart is true and genuine. I can’t hide anything from Him, I can’t fake how I’m living my life day to day. The amazing part of it is He sees how hard I try everyday to be better than I was the day before, and even if I slip, mess up, and even fall, He still sees that I’m trying, and I know I can’t say that for the scale, or any boss. He’s there, hand held out, helping me up & getting me back on track.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 3:14

I don’t seek trying to be on top of any ladder other than the ladder leading to God’s heart. Success is all in what we make it to be, and to me success is being the best Christian, the best wife, and the best Mom that I can be, and I don’t dare compare the measure of my success against anyone else. I don’t try to be better than anyone else in any area of my life, because that will only cause me to see myself as a failure at times, or can cause anything other than humility in my heart. I only try to be better than I was the day before, the hour before, the minute before. I think sometimes we spend too much time trying to achieve a status or title according to the worlds standards & view, and not nearly enough according to God’s standards & views. This world & everything in it is temporary and will come to an end, and so will all the achievements that we brought ourselves to in it. I’m not saying by any means that it’s wrong to be successful in our jobs, or at a goal that we have, it just shouldn’t be the primary focus and achievement that we are striving for. God wants us to have success in all that we do, but He wants to be first in our lives, and to be the one that we focus on that leads us to success in all other areas of our lives.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
Matthew 6:19-20

I struggle at times with striving to meet the expectations of this world, and then I realize I struggle because I am not meant to be of this world. I am of God, not of the world, and when I fail to remember that, I become frustrated, tired, and stressed. God didn’t put me in this world to become like the world, but to bring this world to His light, and in order to do that I must be more like Him. There are people we will cross paths will that may never have had any encounter with Jesus or His light, and He puts us in their path so that they can see it through us. We can’t make a difference in this world if we are one in the same with it.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is –his good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~Romans 12:2

So when I leave this world, this temporary home to go to my real home, I want my one greatest achievement to be that I become so much like my Father, that there is no doubt the family that I belong to, and that I became a better Christian with each passing day, and that it was clear that I love my Father! I want everyone who I leave behind, who was touched by my life in someway, at some moment in time, to know me as a child of God, to know that there was nothing more I wanted in life than to be more like Him, to serve Him, and that I tried harder each & every day to be a better person than I was before, to be what He wanted me to be, and that my priorities in life was the priorities that He wanted me to have. Success to me would be achieved if I achieved each of those things.

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” ~Joshua 1:8

Longing for You

Longing for that break away, a moment of peace, a sense of relief. I feel like I could break at any moment, or just slip away. I want to run, run as fast as I can as far away as I can. I need just some sort of small time where I feel no pressure, no responsibilities, no expectations, no disappointments, nothing that I have to be to anyone. I want that anchor that’s weighing down my heart to ease up just for a moment in time. Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming and no one hears me, like I’m as loud as I can be, but nothing is heard. But I know that’s not true Lord. I know that you are hearing me, that you have heard me all along. You’ve been that one constant.

I know Lord you are that break away, that more than a moment of peace, you are that everlasting peace, that sense of relief that I can have always if I choose to take it. You have told me Lord it’s okay to break, because it’s when I break that you can put me back together the way you want me. I hear you telling me to slip away for some one on one time with you, to seek that silence and stillness to just be and to listen to what you’re telling me. I know Lord, that I can run, and I am running as fast as I can and as far as I can to you Lord. You are there, arms open wide to catch me if I fall, to grab for me when I run into your arms, so that you can wrap your loving arms around me. I know that when I seek that time with you, I will find that serenity that I’m searching for and longing for, and I know that I can give you all of my burdens, all my anxieties, concerns, disappointments, responsibilities, and my sense of expectations to you, I can lay it all down at your feet and not carry it anymore. I know that when I’m in your presence I have to be no one but me, little old me. You take me just as I am and expect nothing of me in return, in fact, I think you like it better that way don’t you. You would rather me lean on you for strength instead of trying to be strong on my own, you would rather me not try to carry all of my burdens and anxieties on my own. I know that if I would just listen to you in every aspect, every situation, every circumstance of my life that I would hear these things loud & clear, but Lord I am guilty sometimes of thinking I can fix things myself sometimes, that I can handle it, that I can change things. I should know better by now though, huh? Forgive me. You are the only one that can change things, and I can’t fix nor handle anything on my own. I trust you Lord, with my life and all that it includes. My life is not my own, it is yours.

Lord I am coming to you, as humble as I possibly can, I need you & I can’t do anything without you. I have found myself down, depressed, hurt, miserable, confused, lost, exhausted, drained. I choose not to stay that way. I may have found myself that way, but I have found that all of those are not places I have to stay b/c I have you to run to. I run to you Lord! I am running faster and faster every day, so hold those arms wide open for me Lord. I long for that feeling of comfort and peace that comes with having your arms wrapped so tightly around me! Heal my heart Lord, take what has been broken, and put it back together Lord, and put those broken pieces exactly where you want them Lord. I know you are the true owner of this heart of mine, you are the creator, and you know where each piece should be, not me. I seek silence with you, time to just be still and let you be who you are, the awesome God & Father that you are! Hold me, comfort me, love me. I surrender all that I am to you in every area of my life, every area of my personality, my character, everything that I am Lord. You are my creator, and what has been messed up, I pray that you put back together exactly how you wanted it to be. I want nothing more for myself or for my life than to be exactly what you desire for me to be, that is what my path is set on. I Love you so much Lord! You have done so much for me, and it’s nothing for me to live for you! I am leaning on you, your promises, your understanding, your peace, your comfort, your love, and everything you have to offer, for without that, I would be nothing, could do nothing.

When this life gets the best of me Lord, I call out to you, when I feel like I can’t go anymore, I know that with you I can. When I feel I’m lost, you are the voice I hear calling out to me. My hope is in you Lord, my everything is in you, and I know that in that I’m safe, and I will be okay. Thank you Lord for loving me, thank you for the peace that you place within my anxious heart, thank you for allowing me to sail away to where I have always wanted to be, in your arms, because it’s there that I know I am free, and I am safe!

Love your Daughter,