The night I finally let go…

Coming home from my Women’s Radiate Ministry meeting at church last month, a song started playing on the radio right as I was pulling out of the parking lot. I couldn’t believe the words that I was hearing, it was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment. The amazing thing was it wasn’t just one song, but it was the song that played after that as well. I was more familiar with this song, it has been a very special song in my life during some very trying times. I knew then it was no mistake that God was speaking to me and telling me what He wanted me to remember!

Hours before…..

Dealing with some issues that had been weighing very heavily on my heart for quite some time, I was looking forward to my Radiate meeting at church this month. Our meeting was to be Focus on Worship! Although I was looking very forward to it, my mind was all over the place, my emotions were like a roller coaster ride, up and down, round and round! It wasn’t taking much these days to make the tears start to fall, they were readily available at a moments notice. God knew how my heart felt, He knew what I was feeling, what I was dealing with, what was going through my mind, and He knew that I needed this meeting. My meetings have become a very crucial part in my spiritual growth, and in my relationship with God. I have long desired to have such an intimate relationship with God, and to have relationships with women that I could go to for prayer at a moments notice, for emotional support, to be lifted up & encouraged, and to know that I’m surrounded by people who love me, care about me, and who are there for me. I have gained all of these things through my Radiate & Oasis meetings at church. They have become such a highlight to my weeks and months.

During our meeting after we enjoyed fellowship & food, we moved to the sanctuary, we watched a video about Worship, what it means, what it’s meant to be, and it touched my heart. This is what Worship had become for me, I was focusing on God more than myself, and what I was dealing with. So I sat aside everything that was within me, tormenting my emotions, and my moods. I focused on God, and how worthy He is of my worship. I couldn’t help to think of what all He has done in my life. It was almost as if my life had flashed before my eyes in such a manner that I could see all the times where I had been on my knees crying out, where I had felt alone and lost, and then I could see so clearly how God was there for me and how each and everytime He brought me through these fires. How could I not worship Him? He’s amazing in how He works, in how He moves mountains, in how He moves things out of the way, or how He picks me up and puts me where He wants me. Everything that He had done in my life was suddenly right in front of me, playing over and over, and I couldn’t contain myself. WOW!!

Coming back in at that moment, hearing what our Radiate Praise singers were saying, listening to the words of the songs they were singing, and having placed in front of my eyes what all God has done, I found myself in the heart of worship! It’s all about God, it’s all about how worthy He is. He’s always been there for me, through every single hard moment, every hurt, every tear, He has seen it all, He has felt it all right there with me. Our relationship had become stronger & closer over the last couple of years, and the blessings He had been pouring on me, some of them I was missing and overlooking because parts of me was still focused on the hurts, and the past. When I couldn’t see that He had brought me out of it all, He is trying to heal the pain, take away the tears and bless me so much more than I could ever deserve. I remember hearing the words, we never know where someones praise comes from! How true that is! There’s many that has no idea where my praise comes from, each time I’m standing and shouting what God has done for me, it wasn’t about bringing me glory, or anything in my life glory, it was about bringing God the glory. I wasn’t able to do anything to bring myself to the point in my life that I was at, it’s all God, and I want everyone to know that. He is able, He is capable, He is the one who can take everything that was meant for your harm & use it for your good! He had done that in my life!! He will pick you up and put you on top of that solid rock, you can never make there yourself, that solid rock only comes from God!

During the last song, so many of the women started moving to the altar and praying, praying with each other, praying over each other, loving one another, and helping hold one anothers arms up! As I went to the altar to pray with a friend, I also asked God to help me, to help me let all of this hurt go, to stop hanging on to what had been done, what I had lost, and focus on what He has done for me, what He has given to me, what He has blessed me with and surrounded me with! After the meeting was over, I was blessed to have several friends stay around with me and listen to me talk about my prayer needs, and about what I was dealing with, and they helped me so much more than they could ever possibly realize that night! They were holding my arms up for me because I felt as if I couldn’t any longer. I was tired, I was emotionally drained, and so very weary. God was standing there that night speaking to me the message He wanted me to hear through these women. How do I know, how can I be so sure? It’s the same message He had been speaking to me about for quite some time, some of the exact words during my quiet times with Him. I have often said I wish at times that God could be right here with me telling me things as in human form, well He did that night. He used these great women who have become some of my closest friends to say the very words He had been saying to me. They stood there with me for probably more than thirty minutes after the meeting talking with me, listening to me, and encouraging me, lifting me up, and being exactly what God wanted them to be to me.

As I walked out into the parking lot, stepped into the car and started the engine, my radio was blaring, that’s me, that’s how I listen to my praise & worship music in the car, I turned it down for a moment to call home and let my husband and daughter know that I was on my way home. I put down the phone, feeling so much relief, feeling so much lighter than I did a couple of hours before when I walked into the church doors. I turned my radio volume back up, and I heard this song playing. I began to focus on the words, and I knew God was still speaking to me!

“I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own, but you’re not alone. Have you heard of the one who can calm the raging seas, Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet with a love so strong and never let you go, Oh you’re not alone!
You will be safe in His arms, You will be safe in His arms, Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart, This is the promise He made, He will be with You always, When everything is falling apart, You will be safe in His arms.
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead back to life is the very same voice that calls you to rise, So hear him now, He’s calling you home, You will never be alone! These are the hands that built the mountains, the hands that calm the seas, these are the arms that hold the heavens, they are holding you and me!”

As I heard these words, the tears began to fall again, I felt as if with every tear that fell from my eyes, my heart and the weight I felt on my shoulders were getting lighter and lighter. I couldn’t stop myself from letting the tears flow, I wiped them away and more fell, I found myself in that moment lifting my hand in praise as I was driving down the road on my way home that night. I began telling God,”I hear you, I hear you loud and clear, I am safe in your arms Lord!”Just then, as the song finished playing, I heard a familiar tune begin ringing in my ears, it was a song that has such a tremendous meaning in my life through some of the hardest times I have ever been through, these are the words I began to hear;

“It’s hard to stand on shifting sand, It’s hard to shine in the shadows of the night, You can’t be free if you don’t reach for help, And you can’t love if you don’t love yourself, But there is hope when my faith runs out, Cause I’m in better hands now. It’s like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down, It’s like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground, so take this heart of mine, there’s no doubt, I’m in better hands now! I am strong, all because of You, I stand in awe of every mountain that you move, For I am changed, yesterday is gone, I am safe from this moment on, and there’s no fear when the night comes ’round, I’m in better hands now! It’s like the world is silent thought I know it isn’t true, It’s like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room! So take this heart of mine, there’s no doubt, I’m in better hands now!”

I can’t even explain the feelings that I felt at this very moment. God was speaking so clearly and so loudly to me, right there in my car, driving down the road! There was no mistaking His message to me, Safe in His Arms, In Better Hands Now, couldn’t miss that! As the tears fell fearlessly down my cheeks, I lifted my hand up in praise once again and just said, “God I get it, I hear you, I trust you! I’m letting go of it all, yesterday is gone, I am changed!” It was one of those moments where even though I was crying, I let out this laugh, it was this laugh of pure joy and happiness with so much relief and freedom wrapped up in it! I couldn’t stop praising God all the way home, the tears wouldn’t stop, and by the time I pulled in to my driveway and turned off the car getting ready to go in to my family, I felt as if I weighed next to nothing! I walked through my front door to see my daughter standing there waiting on me before she went to bed, and she looks at me and says, “Are you okay Mommy“, and I said “Baby, I am so much more than okay!” So we get her all tucked into bed for the night, and my husband and I get to sit down and talk, and he asks me about my meeting, there’s no hiding when I cry, I look like a red raccoon! As I began telling him about it, and my whole experience on my drive home, he just looks at me and smiles with his heart melting smile, and he says “I’m so glad baby, I prayed for you today, I prayed that you would be lifted up and encouraged.”There’s no doubt his prayer was answered that night! He knew what I had been through, how hurt I had felt, and how I allowed it to torment me for so long, and to know that he took the time to pray for me that day, and ask God for that blessing on me, absolutely meant more to me than anything he could ever do for me or give to me!

It’s been a month since that meeting, and though I have had some pretty tough days fighting the devil, I am proud to say that not once has it been over the issues that I walked into that church that night on my heart! I have taken what God has spoken so clearly to me and have held it close to my heart and in my mind reminding myself of his very words. I have been able to move forward and in doing so, my eyes have been opened to all the wonderful blessings around me that I wasn’t seeing because I was too focused on yesterday. There are so many blessings that I lose count, but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t give God the glory, praise, honor, and worship that He is ever so worthy of! For everything that He has done in me, around me, and through me, I am at a loss for words to even begin to describe His awesomeness! I have a purpose here in my life, a purpose that only I was created for, and I am moving forward to serve that purpose, no longer focusing on yesterday, only on today and my walk with Him. As I sit and finish writing what is in my heart, I can say that I am looking forward to my Radiate meeting tomorrow night, and my Oasis meeting on Thursday!