Reflections on 2009

As I reflect back on 2009 and all that I learned through the year through various trials that I went through, I am amazed at everything that God has done in my life. Although 2009 was a much better year than 2008 in so many ways, it held it’s own obstacles, hurts, hang ups, tears, but it also held happiness, breakthroughs, freedom, growth, and more love than ever!

God showed me alot of things this year, and one of those things were that listening to Him and obeying what He tells me to do is not always easy, not always what I want to do, and will bring persecution at times. He had me step out of my comfort zones and face confrontations, stand out alone, face the truths in alot of situations in my life, face conflicts in areas that I never thought I would have to, and step away from places & people that I’ve known for more than half of my life. I can honestly sit here tonight & say that I don’t regret one single thing that God had me to do, I don’t regret listening to Him, I don’t regret going where He led me. What I do regret is that I didn’t listen to Him sooner, wish I wouldn’t have fought Him on some things, and wish I would have surrendered sooner than I did.

We go through all of these changes in our lives and these trials to help us grow. We have to change things sometimes in our lives in order to grow, if something in our lives isn’t working anymore and not bringing growth, we must yield to God and do as He says so that we can grow in Him. I had reached a point in my life a few years ago where I felt so differently than I used to. Things that I used to enjoy doing, places I used to enjoy going, I just wasn’t anymore. I had reached a point where I felt like I was just going through the motions. God had been speaking to me about doing some pruning in my life so that I may start growing again. That’s not to say that the pruning I had to do was anything bad, or that there was anything wrong with the areas that I had to prune, it just wasn’t working for me anymore. We don’t know why this happens in life sometimes, what worked for years just all of a sudden stops working for us. All I know is that God started speaking to me a few years ago about doing this pruning, and I fought Him on it. I was too comfortable, I was with loved ones, and I didn’t want to do it, just plain and simple. But as time went on, I became more unhappy, and more conflict arose. I do believe that God allowed all of the conflict to take place to do things in my life and in others and to get us to obey what He was telling us to do. I will admit that I pouted quite a bit, I threw temper tantrums with God wondering why I had to be the one, why I had to do this, and worrying about what others would think of me when I obeyed what He told me to do. Facing persecution for doing what God told me to do is the only type of persecution that I gladly stand and take. It did come my way too. Today I believe that I still face those same persecutions in alot of ways, but I can no longer worry about it. In the end, God is the one that I answer to, and I know from the bottom of my heart without one single doubt that I listened to Him and done exactly what He has told me to do. In the end no one else matters but God.

God taught me how to let things go. That was a hard one! Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the type of person that just lets things go. My mind has this annoying habit of having to put every little piece of the puzzle together and make sense out of it all. Needless to say, My mind has drove me insane this year. So many things that it was trying to put together the puzzle on, and it really took a toll on me. I had alot of hurt inside of me that I had to let go of because it was controlling me in so many ways. I would pray and pray and ask God to reveal things to me, and each time He revealed that I did the right thing. He also revealed to me that if I kept hanging on to this hurt that I was only bringing myself down to the point of self destruction. Letting go isn’t always easy, but when you do, ahhh, it feels so good!

God taught me how to love, truly and deeply. He has given me such a greater love for my husband than I have ever felt. It’s truly amazing to feel such a love. Through different tools, God has shown me how He wants me to love my husband, how He wants me to treat my husband, how He wants me to communicate with him, how He wants me to talk to him, how He wants me to nuture him, and how He wants me to respect him. He has helped me to become such a better wife to my husband, the kind of wife that He wants me to be, and in doing that, not only am I treating my husband better and loving him the way he deserves, but I’m obeying God and pleasing God. Our marriage has got so much better, and God is the reason! Through all of the tough times, there is nothing that can get you through like God does! NOTHING!! You can try everything you want to, you can stick your head in the sand and ignore it and keep telling yourself that it will get better, but it won’t. Love is not a feeling, it’s an action. I have finally learned to love my husband the way God wants me to.

God has taught me how to pray more effectively and how to pray in His will and for His will to be done. Everyone has their own way of praying, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but when you come to pray the way God wants you to pray, you see prayers being answered far more than you could ever imagine! We can’t just pray for what we want to happen or take place, or for an outcome that we want, we have to pray for Gods will to be done, and whether we want to or not, His will is always going to be done. I pray now more than I ever have, and for more people than I ever have. Praying in Gods will is satisfying, because you know you are in Gods will by doing so. It’s not always the most popular thing to do when you tell someone you’re praying, because they may not want the kind of prayer you are praying, but I know that when I pray in Gods will, the outcome is so much better than praying for my will to be done!

I could go on and on with what great things God has done in my life in 2009, because He has been working overtime in my heart and in my life and hopefully that shines through. I am thankful for every trial that I have been through, every persecution that has come against me, every tear that has been shed, every break in my heart, every scar that has been left from every break because it’s through all of these things that I have grown in Him and closer to Him. It’s in these moments that we grow the most, and we grow more beautifully than we could ever expect. I am grateful for my health, my family, my friends, my church family, for everyone in my life that has supported me, encouraged me, lifted me up, that was there for me when I needed them the most. I am grateful for each and every blessing that He brought into my life in 2009, and I know that I have even more to look forward to in 2010. I am anxiously awaiting to see what all He does and teaches me this year!!